wOrk In about 7 months time... Work will commence...

For me.. for all the wonderful aspirations I've got before.... I am 99.99% certain to begin work in a Big 4 Accounting Firm... Here are the reasons why I will NEVER fulfill my initial aspirations to start work in a BIG FOREIGN bank...

1. Lazy
I guess i'm just lazy to submit applications, modify and personalise resumes etc.... i prefer to do things standard... i prefer to slack and stone myself away...

2. Lousy
The banks wanna ppl who are powerfully articulate and technically wonderful ( I tink.. hahaha).... For all my "Great" results... I'm NOT technically sound even... and of cuz... I juz have this wonderful attitude problem that prohibits me from speaking up as long as there is some kind of appraisal.. which supposedly acts as an incentive... apparently it acts more as a punishment than a reward... at least for me...

3. Lazy + Lousy
A prestigious bank called me up and asked me to go for an assessment.... hey at least there is hope... but then.. I'm too lazy to go down for the assessment.. especially when i had 2 interviews and another 2 interviews more to go at tat time... and also... i'm too lousy to realise.. tat even if i accept other offers... i WUN be bonded to them i.e. I can break it... However.. the power of the two forces combined is sufficient for me to rationalise that i shldn't go for this assessment...

So you see... I've accepted an offer from one of the BIG 4 accounting firms... and I'll be starting work as an audit assistant most probably... As of now.. i'll have to watch my behaviour in public and in my blog as i must uphold the image and integrity of this profession (Please refer to code of conduct... somewhere in my seminar readings...).. haha...

Since most of you might not understand what assurance entails... i'll try to explain it in a simple example:

The author is not responsible for the correctness of any "concepts" used. This example is purely fictional. Any Coincidence is purely a coincidence duh.. haha

Assertion: Chi Ho is yandao

Responsible party: Public

Therefore... as an auditor... i'll have to try provide reasonable assurance about the truth of this assertion by the public... As such.. i'll require AUDIT EVIDENCE to satisfy myself as to the truthfullness of this statement... However.. such audit evidence must satisfy certain criteria such as independence.. free frm biasness etc....

Some audit evidence i can obtain are...

1. Confirmations?
Confirmations from independent parties would usually be good audit evidence to satisfy existence and accuracy... however... since the PUBLIC are responsible for this assertion... NOBODY is independent.. i.e. all such confirmations are biased... since the PUBLIC made this assertion.

2. Observations?
Another good audit evidence will be through observation... through looking at Chi Ho. However.. one has to consider.. do I have the necessary expertise to distinguish yandao from not yandao?... This should not be a problem however, as it is veri veri easy to tell that Chi Ho is yandao...

Does the above two steps provide sufficient audit evidence for reasonable assurance? After exercising my healthy dose of professional scepticism... I will think it is sufficient to ascertain through observations alone that this assertion provides a true and fair view on the subject matter, i.e. Chi Ho. Why you may ask... the answer is simple.. I'm biased... utterly BIASED... hahah.. therefore... I should not undertake this assurance task.. as I'm HIGHLY biased and therefore not independent... In fact.. no one shld.. since in this case.. the PUBLIC agrees with the assertion and therefore.. NOBODY is independent in fact...

Care must be taken.. as in real life.. there are veri veri little such cases where nobody is independent (except for ahem.. one case tat i know of.. hahaa)...

End of case...

End of entry  ¶ 10:30 PM 0 comments

  frenly advice My SMU frens hav been telling me how "xiong" SMU is.. ok... i only hav two SMU frens (shyh jie and ken)... Perhaps itz time for the NTU final year old bird from the xiong xiong xiong course Accountancy to decipher the mysterious reasons behind this "phenomenon"...

1. The everyone's mugging phenomenon

So everywhere u go u see ppl mugging... is tat juz due to the fact tat there are NO halls of residences in SMU? So wat u expect ppl to do when they're waiting for their next lesson? Go City Hall to relac? Or be lazy, stay in school.. n find something to do? n wat do u do in a campus w/o Halls? Mug la....

Anyway... In UNi... everyone's mugging... so itz not peculiar to SMU...

2. The I got loads to read phenomenon

This has to be from Mr. Ken... He told me he got 800 pages to read... I dun deny tatz a lot... but i dun tink they're FRS... in case u freshies dunno... itz Financial reporting standards... Try reading tat... esp FRS 39... i look forward to Ken's complaints when he needs to read tat...

Again... In any biz school.. u'll hav tons to read... juz tat Sergi n Ken hav one more year of readings compared to me hahhaa

Conclusion:
Wat u all are "suffering" now is nothing la.. compared to wat u'll hav to suffer later on hahaha... this is advice frm the very wise.. very yandao... always frenly Chi Ho... the always helpful senior u all hav hahaha

Anyway... I've discovered tat rationalising myself is tiring n hard... jus imagine... chi ho vs chi ho... itz basically two super yandao geniuses fighting wif each other hahhaa.. but then... one of the chi ho has won.. the one tat chi ho wanted to win... So despite noting something which would hav made me moody in the past... I merely noted but din register much moodiness... anyway i am juz trying to sound chim... cuz i m chim.. n cuz geniuses are basically juz hard to understand..hahaha  ¶ 10:12 PM 0 comments

  frenly advice My SMU frens hav been telling me how "xiong" SMU is.. ok... i only hav two SMU frens (shyh jie and ken)... Perhaps itz time for the NTU final year old bird from the xiong xiong xiong course Accountancy to decipher the mysterious reasons behind this "phenomenon"...

1. The everyone's mugging phenomenon

So everywhere u go u see ppl mugging... is tat juz due to the fact tat there are NO halls of residences in SMU? So wat u expect ppl to do when they're waiting for their next lesson? Go City Hall to relac? Or be lazy, stay in school.. n find something to do? n wat do u do in a campus w/o Halls? Mug la....

Anyway... In UNi... everyone's mugging... so itz not peculiar to SMU...

2. The I got loads to read phenomenon

This has to be from Mr. Ken... He told me he got 800 pages to read... I dun deny tatz a lot... but i dun tink they're FRS... in case u freshies dunno... itz Financial reporting standards... Try reading tat... esp FRS 39... i look forward to Ken's complaints when he needs to read tat...

Again... In any biz school.. u'll hav tons to read... juz tat Sergi n Ken hav one more year of readings compared to me hahhaa

Conclusion:
Wat u all are "suffering" now is nothing la.. compared to wat u'll hav to suffer later on hahaha... this is advice frm the very wise.. very yandao... always frenly Chi Ho... the always helpful senior u all hav hahaha

Anyway... I've discovered tat rationalising myself is tiring n hard... jus imagine... chi ho vs chi ho... itz basically two super yandao geniuses fighting wif each other hahhaa.. but then... one of the chi ho has won.. the one tat chi ho wanted to win... So despite noting something which would hav made me moody in the past... I merely noted but din register much moodiness... anyway i am juz trying to sound chim... cuz i m chim.. n cuz geniuses are basically juz hard to understand..hahaha  ¶ 10:12 PM 0 comments

  Moodified Presentations n presentations... projects and projects...These stuff seem to make up my life nowadays...

Today juz had Audit presentation... Our team was betta than the much coveted 306 "Dream Team"... We met for onli half an hour for the project n we got a good grade i believe for our report judging frm the tutor's comments... Though my presentation was so sucky... though i wasn't too bothered by it anyway...

Then had Handover meeting... went for onli a veri short while... abt 1 hour... then went off... cuz i wanna catch LOST... Felt relieved tat i can finally dump all the shit to ruiyang haha... now i can go to CO w/o getting screwed upside down by some ppl.... Learnt a lot frm the experience.. though i believe i learnt the most from the "screwed upside down" experience... Here.. i shall briefly outlined wat screwed me up...

1. Asked 4 ppl abt their willingness to sign sth... All agreed readily...
2. Seeked confirmation abt their willingness... got screwed by one of them...
3. Got the doc for them to sign n got some "comments" from some of them...
4. Got screwed upside down inside out by the person who screwed me in point 2...

The lessons i've learnt from this is... always anticipate different reactions to the same thing from the same ppl at different times... You might tink tat i'm pushing blame away but i honestly do not think itz any fucking fault of mine.... After u get screwed so much by such ppl... u realli get so pissed tat u will juz msg them abt important stuff rather than informing them in person... Too bad...

Anyway was realli moody today... n now too... not angry towards anyone... itz juz caused by myself... I'll juz keep the reason to myself... my words can be so diluted... saying it will not change anything anyway ... n i dun intend to change the stuff tat made me moody anymore... there's no point le... So the status quo shall remain.. i will continue to be bothered... but i shn't say anything on it...

Time to start studying... i still have a case to rush... n a quiz to study for... i have to start hitting the books real hard...

  ¶ 9:49 PM 0 comments

  after-thoughts For a while now, I hav held back on writing this post... Now tat the restraint has been removed... it shall be time for me to express some after-thoughts on the Beijing Trip...

The following may cause distress. Viewer discretion is SERIOUSLY advised...

To my beloved Gf...

Enjoyed the time together during this trip no matter wat others might say... Yup... I'll always be there for you....

To my Gf's and my roomie during the trip...

Truly sorry to have neglected both of you during the trip... hope tat we will always remain good frens....

To frens who exercised restraint frm commenting on us...

Really appreciate the silent support given... tatz wat frens are for...

To frens who teased us...

Humour felt... no offence towards tat....

To ppl who hav nothing but unsavory remarks broadcasted abt us...

I will never have the time to consider the feelings of every single person... n i never intend to anyway... if u felt that we were a disturbing presence during the trip... continue doing tat.. everyone is entitled to their opinions and have the right to judge ppl... but realise tat juz as u hav the right, i do hav this right to do so... to judge u all based on watever remarks u might hav... here are my comments towards u all...

Anyway... this is targeted towards those who GOSSIPPED behind our backs.. i dun mind if these were directed straight in my face w/o any broadcast (those fall under frens who exercised restraint...)... I wunno who went ard discussing (i'm juz being polite here...)... u all know urself...

1. So our intimate behaviour hav caused distress towards u... sorry abt tat... (like real...)... Since u are so easily disturbed.. may i suggest tat u dun go Orchard Road, dun take bus or train, dun watch movies or tv... basically juz lock urself in the room n read ur most benign Harry Potter book.... I m not being sarcastic here... this is helpful advice to prevent u frm getting traumatised...

2. So u had the time to notice tat we are ALWAYS together... perhaps tatz the reason y u can never enjoy the trip... itz not my business if you take us as the tourist attraction... tatz UR fucking business.... U tink we r too sticky is ur problem... i call it Loving... STILL got a prob? go bang the wall then... it may help u understand...

3. So u tink i should spare a tot for every person in the trip... n by being always together.. we hav affected the ENTIRE orchestra.... let me ask u all this qn... by making those unsavory remarks behind us... hav u all spared a tot for our feelings?

So basically, i enjoyed the time with my wonderful Gf.... yup yup... Felt really sorry for our roomies though.. i'll surely reflect on tat... n as anyone can see... i also felt pissed...

However, i still felt the trip to be enjoyable... the sweetness by far overcome the slight bitter after-taste...  ¶ 8:46 PM 0 comments

  daYs in bEijIng For a week, I was in the capital of China, a.k.a. Beijing a.k.a. Peking a.k.a. Bei Ping... Actually i was quite scared before n during the trip... cuz.. i veri scared wait the Chinese authorities decide tat my handsome face shld be regarded as their national treasure n dun let me come back to s'pore hahaha....

For those planning to go China soon.. i will suggest to every single one of u.. to bring a face mask there.. i dun mean facial mask.. i mean the thing to cover ur mouth during SARS period... ya... tat face mask....

All toilet users should heed my advice.. their toilets are a weapon in themselves... any foreigner used to clean toilets will agree (i mean.. used to using clean toilets.. not cleaning toilets...)... mayb the chinese wanna punish the ang-mohs for their plundering in the past... tatz y they hav smelly toilets to punish foreigners... but i am innocent.. y punish ppl like me?

Actually... u will find tat their toilets at tourist attractions n restaurants quite ok... if u hav been to the toilets in their universities tat is... U see i was at 2 of their top universities.. n their public toilets realli realli... i dunno how their undergrads use one... make until... so dirty n smelly... go in muz hold breath.. run in.. do business... run out... argh.. n the thing is... in some girl toilets.. they dun even hav doors... so... girls can walk in.. look into one of the cubicle n see some person doing their business... yucks...

I realised tat i may nv be able to understand the mainland PRCs.... their fantastic logic... in one of their toilets... in a restaurant... the lock in the toilet miraculously can be used.... itz workable.. but the catch is tat... the lock has no use... u can still push the door open from outside... so watz the use of the lock? i honestly do not know... no wonder it can be "used"....

Cup noodles was the best food i ate there... after Peking duck n PIzza Hut... haha... which speaks a lot abt their food... u wanna ur enemy to die faster? invite him/her to go Beijing... treat him to Mc Donald fries if u wanna him to die of kidney failure and high blood pressure(super a lot of salt.. like eating salt lidat...)... wanna him to suffer vessel blockage? treat him to Peking's fantastic three layer meat... if i take off my glasses.. i will onli be able to see one layer... the transparent layer.. the soft layer.. the fatty area.. Yucks

Things were made worse when my guide n bus driver were great... the guide was an auntie... she loves to imitate chicken... sorry.. i mean rooster... love to act rooster... then when she talk.. onli the ppl standing rite in front of her can hear one... ppl like me who love to stand at the back can hear only myself talking.... n the bus driver is a bloody slacker... he's lazy to switch on the air-con when the first person board the bus, lazy to help carry luggage when he's supposed to be the one doing so... asshole....

One redeeming factor was their fake goods... they got quite a range there n the price u get is dependent on ur bargaining... tat makes it sooooooo exciting.... itz amazing how one classic tactic can always work... pretend to leave.. n u hear the price being cut by several times the original offer....

The hotel is not bad too... a worthy 4-star hotel.. i love their bed, their tv, their bathtub, their hot shower water... their morning call at 6am...

Tatz realli all i can say abt Beijing... the location of Olympics 2008  ¶ 8:48 PM 0 comments

  sIgns oF iMPerfection Weeks pass by very very quickly. My attachment has ended. Taxi fares are going up again. June passed. Now is July. England is out. Germany is out. Portugal is out. I had my first lesson as tutor. Everything just seems to pass me by.

As time starts to pass me by, I have discovered that my definition of myself as a perfect, impeccable individual has been severely blemished. Here's why:

1. Attachment

I have started revising my definition of myself as perfect ever since my attachment began. Spelling mistakes, addition mistakes, formatting mistakes are just some of the mistakes I have made. Well, all these are attributed to carelessness; therefore I branded myself 90% perfect.

2. World Cup

Well, although I am not playing for England, I still participated in the World Cup. As a 90% perfect individual, I must do my part for the economy. Anyway I do not believe the economy is getting better, so according to Keyes, I must help to stimulate the economy by spending so that it will cause a multiplier effect. In order to play a part, I have decided to step into S'pore Pools. Motivated by the prospect of earning more money and to stimulate the economy, I started betting. As of now, my losing rate has been 100%. I have really done a lot for the economy by losing. But I truly wanted to win. As such, my forecasts have gone terribly wrong. Due to this, my perfection factor is further reduced by 10%.

3. The Ronaldo

I seriously thought Ronaldo and Rooney will make the perfect pair to help Manchester United rise to the top again. I mean Cristiano. I don't mean the goldfish. The fat one. No. I mean the Oscar winning actor in the World Cup. The person who got Rooney sent off regardless of what the referee might say. The guy who winked at the Portugese bench. Yes. That idiot.

You might wonder why this affects my perfection score. You see, in my Football Manager, it is already in year 2009. Ronaldo is still in my team. And one of my most important coveted players. I have failed to execute my virtual punishment to this guy due to my laziness to open the programme and fine him. So my perfection score has dropped by 10% due to my very lazy behaviour.

4. LOST

By this, I mean something more dramatic than the drama LOST. Much much more dramatic. Like, getting lost in East Coast Park while looking for a particular fast food restaurant. Another 15% off here.

5. Blogging instead of typing report

I have an attachment report to do. And yet, I am blogging right now. This again exemplifies my slacking and lazy attitude. Afterwards, I think I will play games again. And I will wake up at 11am again tomorrow. And then I will have a nap again. And then I will be out again. And then I will play games again blah blah. Busy or procrastination? I have decided it is the latter. So I have to subtract another 10% from myself again.

6. Calculation

As of a few seconds ago, I was wondering what my score is. I wanted to calculate but found that I am either too lazy to do so, or just lacked the ability to perform calculations without a calculator. So, I decided that I am now only a 20% perfect man.

Now I have to make myself happy with myself. After I have self declared myself only 20% perfect. Here's why I should be happy with myself:

1. Mean of population

After performing some statistical analysis (which equates to thinking only), from a sample mean of about 20 (mostly VS guys that I know), I found that I am in the top 5% of the population. This result can of cause by ascribed to my handsome face, my intellectual brain and my good natured personality.

2. Happening factor

Basically, this happening does not amount to the one that is popularised by the fanatics who love clubbing and view those who don't as hermits living in their own shells. I have better things to do than that thank you very much.

By happening, I mean creating something unexpected which inevitably reduces my perfection score. Things that add spice into my own life. Like getting lost in ECP. And laughing at myself for that.

3. Blogging language

Well, I have changed my blogging style yet again if you noticed. You might want to take note that my blogging vocabulary and punctuation have improved by leaps and bounds. This is to be in line with my new image as a tuition teacher. I must set a good example for my student. And future student(s).

So although I find myself somewhat imperfect, I am still 20% perfect. And I am happy with that.  ¶ 10:34 PM 0 comments

  mY pREdicTion Well... the normally inpenetrable chi ho has been breached.. (i dun mean anything brokeback by tat....)... I meant i made my first bet in Singapore Pools... congrats to Singapore Pools... they got another potential lifetime customer hahaha...

A lot of ppl hav luffed at my prediction... ppl like shyh jie... ppl like kok wai... all asking me to tear up the betting slip... No No... the betting slip is a potential earning of $115... although the expected earnings may be... hmm... veri veri low haha.. but at least got potential one ok...

To explain why i made tat decision... first... take a look at how i tink the match will turn out...

The below are purely the my own personal opinion and i shall take no responsibility for ur losses if u choose to follow my advice

Guus Hiddink the miracle coach of South Korea, PSV and now.. Australia... he will have a master plan.. a plan to stun the reigning world champions...

Brazil onli won by 1 goal against Croatia... Barring a super hot performance like Argentina... they can be contained... Croatia had shown tat not allowing space for the samba to happen can contain Ronaldinho... n of cuz... Brazil got one goldfish playing for them... u can imagine Kaka shouting at him to move ard more.. or to move his fat ass away so he can hav unblocked view to goal hahaha....

Also Brazil is always defensively frail.. this time shld not be an exception... so u see.. with a goldfish as the main marksman... Brazil will NOT score in the first half.. n Hiddink's master tactics should exploit Brazil's defensive weaknesses to get 2 goals up.... by half time...

Of cuz... Brazil is no England... England can onli depend long cross frm their handsome Beckham n for Crouch on stilts to head in the goals.. Brazil got players capable of magic... At half time... goldfish shld be too tired to come out liao... so Brazil will be rejuvenated n come out wif guns blazing...

Even so... Guss Hiddink is obviously no Eriksson... England always defend veri power.. regardless of whether they leading or trailing they'll hav like all the men behind the ball.. which is quite a dumb thing to do.. so.. Guus Hiddink aft his ultra attacking formation in the first half shld be packing the midfield to try contain the Brazillian dance troupe led by Ronaldinho... which is why rejuvenated Brazil can onli score 2 in second half n get a draw.. so final score will be 2-2...

Anyway the scores are variable one.. but the result muz be Australia lead at half time n a draw at full time la haha...

So.. Singapore Pools betta hope tat my prediction come true.. or else it'll lead to customer dissatisfaction n they'll lose my customer lifetime value... hahaha...

Ya... on the same day i made my bet.. i celebrated birthday wif a veri veri special person haha... ya.. first time i celebrate bdae for someone alone ok... so tat day quite a number of first times.. haha... Veri special day for chi ho haha...

Okk... letz us all now pray together for Chi ho's prediction to come true hha  ¶ 10:49 PM 0 comments